There is a phrase I hear more and more often when talking with dog owners:
“I guess he was just born this way.”
He pulls on the leash.
He jumps on people.
He won’t come when called.
He barks at every dog he sees.
He steals food from the counter.
He can’t settle down in the house.
And somehow, all of these behaviors can end up in the same basket:
“That’s just the way he is.”
I understand where this comes from. We love our dogs. We want to understand them. And when we bring a dog into our lives and homes, we often don’t know everything about their history. We don’t know what happened before they came to us. We may never know.
But there is an important difference between understanding a dog’s behavior and accepting it as his permanent identity.
In our effort to be compassionate and loving, we can unintentionally stop teaching.
“He probably wasn’t socialized.”
“She must have been abused.”
“We don’t know what happened to him before we got him.”
Those things may be true.
But even when they are, they don’t mean the dog cannot learn.
Sometimes the most loving things we can give a dog are structure, consistency, boundaries and clear expectations.
A dog doesn’t need us to feel sorry for him every time he struggles. He needs us to help him understand what to do instead.
Genetics Certainly Matter – But Genetics Aren’t Destiny
Let’s be fair to the dog.
Dogs absolutely are born with certain characteristics. Breed, genetics, temperament, drive, sensitivity, confidence and energy level all matter.
A Border Collie isn’t genetically wired the same way as a Basset Hound. A pointing dog doesn’t experience the world exactly like a companion breed. Some dogs are naturally more cautious. Some are more outgoing. Some have tremendous prey drive. Some have very little.
We have to work with the dog in front of us.
But a genetic tendency isn’t the same thing as a learned behavior.
A puppy may naturally want to jump because greeting people is exciting. That doesn’t mean he has to spend his life jumping on everyone who comes into your home.
A young dog may naturally want to pull toward everything interesting on a walk. That doesn’t mean pulling is how he has to walk forever.
A dog may have tremendous energy. That doesn’t mean he is incapable of learning how to settle.
And a dog who has learned that ignoring his owner’s recall is rewarding doesn’t have to remain a dog who never comes when called.
Dogs are remarkably capable of learning.
That’s one of the things I love most about them.
Behavior That Gets Practiced Gets Stronger
Here’s something every dog owner should understand:
Your dog is always learning.
Not just when you’re standing in a training class. Not just when you have treats in your pocket. Not just when you decide it’s time to “work on training.”
Every interaction is teaching your dog something.
If your dog jumps on you and you pet him, you’ve taught him that jumping works.
If he pulls you toward a dog he wants to greet and eventually gets there, pulling worked.
If he barks at the window and the other dog walks away, from his perspective, barking worked.
If he ignores your recall ten times and nothing happens, he has learned that the word come isn’t particularly important.
Dogs don’t sit around thinking, “I’m going to be a bad dog today.” They’re simply learning from consequences.
What works gets repeated. And what gets repeated becomes a habit.
Compassion and Expectations Can Coexist
I think this is where we sometimes get confused. We believe that having expectations for our dogs is somehow being harsh.
It isn’t.
You can be compassionate without being permissive.
You can understand that a dog may have had a difficult past and still teach him not to jump on people. You can recognize that a rescue dog is frightened and still teach him how to walk nicely on a leash. You can acknowledge that a dog is naturally intense and still teach him how to control himself.
You can love your dog exactly as he is while also helping him become better.
In fact, I would argue that that’s part of what loving a dog means.